


Hope Within Despair

by Mikina



Series: HijiChi Week 2018 [5]
Category: Hakuouki
Genre: F/M, HijiChi Week 2018, Hurt/Comfort, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Romance, Tumblr Prompt, prompt: hope n despair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 04:14:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15040472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mikina/pseuds/Mikina
Summary: My entry for HijiChi Week 2018 Day 5 on Tumblr.





	Hope Within Despair

**Author's Note:**

> **HijiChi Week 2018 Day 5**
> 
> Prompt: Hope/Despair
> 
> Pairing: Hijikata Toshizou/Yukimura Chizuru
> 
> Background: Took place in the last war after Hijikata was shot on his shoulder.
> 
> _AN: This scene is one my favorite scene in the Hakuoki. Yes, it’s bloody. But the feelings between the pair was so beautiful and the message was cleared. They didn’t want for their loved one to be suffered. I hope I can convey their feeling with this prompt. May you enjoy the short story._
> 
> **Mikina**

The feeling of despair was something that she knew and familiar with.

The first time she met him at that fateful night, she was afraid that her life would end there and felt despair that she couldn’t meet her father for the last time. That was the start of her long list of despairs.

Then, when she knew she wasn’t a human but an oni and because of her, many of the Shinsengumi’s member were injured, some of them even lost their life, courtesy of Kazama… The despair was beginning to suffocated her.

The last straw was when her supposed-missing-father met and told her that the ochimizu, the curse potion that turned human into a rasetsu, was created because her father wanted to avenge the Yukimura’s clan that was slaughtered and assassinated by the human that the clan trusted, with her as the center of the heir of the Yukimura’s clan… and that nothing could turn the rasetsu back into human again… The despair that grew within her was beyond repaired…

Even though she wasn’t directly involved in the ochimizu situation, but she also took part indirectly on the making of the said potion.

_She didn’t deserve to be with the Shinsengumi._

The Shinsengumi was her family. And she had harmed her family and caused many to lose their life…

If not because of him, she would never know how she could escape from the guilt and despair that was choking her life to death.

He gave her reason to stay with the Shinsengumi with his own way. But moreover, he gave her _ **hope**_.

That’s why, even though he tried to cast her aside, tried to keep his sorrow from her when Kondou surrendered so they could live, when he didn’t want to drink her blood to ease his suffered of becoming a rasetsu, when he lied and left her alone and had gone to the north, when he denied his feeling when they met again and told her to leave  _again_ … No, she would  ** _never_**  lose her hope in him.

She would make the despair within him disappeared as what he had done for her.

She would give him hope, the one thing that he said he didn’t have anymore when Kondou was captured.

She would never leave his side and would go wherever he wanted to.

And of course, she would surely make him realize that his life was no longer his. He was hers, liked she was his. That’s why his life was also hers and she would never allow him to throw his life carelessly.

She didn’t want to feel the despair again of being separated from him.  **Never**.

Without much hesitation, she slit her wrist and sip her blood from the cut. Then she gave the blood in her mouth to the man that was sitting lifelessly in front of her by kissing the man’s mouth and pour the blood into his mouth. She was doing it for several times. She refused to give up and would make sure that the man,  _her man_ , to be alive so they could live together after the war ended.

The man had given her hope. And he told her yesterday before they became one that she had given him a new hope for him to continue to live again.

When his eyes fluttered and looked at her half lidded, she knew they would overcome the despair of the situation and their hope of living together was not something that beyond their reach anymore.

_They had each other, after all._

* * *

 

The End


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